I finished my fic, if anyone cares, lol. Er, you sort of had to have seen The Invisible Man and House to really get this piece of fluff, but, oh well.



Title: Mutual Dislike
Author: fearless_jones
Rating: PG
Pairing: None
Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. No profit is being made.
Notes: Thanks goes to saintmaverick for looking this over. You rock.

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Darien flinched as the doctor’s heavy cane shot out in his direction.

“Ow!” he whined, clutching his knee, which was fortunately still covered by bright orange corduroy pants. “What the hell was that for? You’re just as bad as Claire!”

The doctor wheeled his chair back and stared at his patient blankly. “It was just a reflex test…not to mention fun to watch you cringe.”

Darien blinked in disbelief. “Jerk.”

“Crybaby,” Dr. House countered swiftly. He pulled his hand out of his pocket to reveal a small orange lollipop, which he began to unwrap while pointedly ignoring his patient.

Darien sighed in exasperation from his perch on the examination table. “Look, you’ve done twice as many tests as I get in one month at the Keep’s lab. Don’t you know yet if there’s anything wrong with me?”

House turned his chair around to fish a magazine out of the drawer behind him. “Oh, I’ve known what’s wrong with you for a while now,” he said, snorting around his candy.

“And?”

“You’re an attention starved lab rat with an extreme aversion to big, sharp, needles.” He peered back over his shoulder, enjoying the angry look Darien cast him. “However, there’s not a single thing physically wrong with you, aside from the obvious, Darryl. I mean, for an invisible super spy, you’re pretty damned healthy.”

Darien’s brow furrowed. He glared at House thoroughly before sliding off the exam table and quickly pulling his latest thrift-store-find shirt on.

“The name’s Darien. And what would make you think—“

House swiveled his chair around, rolling his eyes.

“It wasn’t exactly difficult to figure out. You’re kept on a tight leash, with your every sniffle obsessed over, which is probably why you were sent all the way across the country, with an armed guard, to waste the time of a busy expert such as myself. That obviously means you’re valuable, and that the government can’t take the chance that you might become seriously ill. Dr. Keeply’s notes were cryptic, but contained more than enough information to raise my suspicions, what with the ban on drawing and examining your blood, not to mention the restriction on getting anywhere near your cranium. Also, you’ve got more holes in you than a pincushion, so you obviously receive regular injections of something that has to do with monitoring or controlling whatever’s in your brain and bloodstream that’s so darn top secret.”

Darien sat back down, silently suspicious and very nearly in awe.

“It’s clear that your Keeper has proven competent enough in treating your…’condition’ on her own. My guess is that she told your employer that you might have some kind of unknown illness, beyond her capability to treat, just to get you and your guard buddy an east coast vacation and an appointment with me,” House continued. “Really, how can I reasonably be expected to help if I’m not even allowed a tiny drop of your precious, precious blood?”

A dirty look crossed Darien’s face. He seemed about to say something, but House spoke again.

“You know, maybe she wants me to know of your condition," he said, a deeper note of sarcasm in his voice. "In case something unfortunate happens to her in the line of duty.” His eyebrows rose. “It’s definitely something to think about.”

A breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding escaped Darien. He ran a hand through his wildly styled hair, then jumped up again.

“Wait, wait, wait!” he shouted, pacing. How did you put all that together to come to the conclusion that I’m an invisible man? ‘Cause it sounds to me like you’ve been sampling from the pharmacy.”

“Oh, gee, you know what else I forgot to mention?” House growled, throwing his magazine down on the floor. “Your upper leg disappeared for the second you thought I was going to break your kneecap with my cane, you moron!”

Sudden understanding washed over Darien’s face.

“Oh,” he breathed, his shoulders drooping.

Nodding to himself, House reached back into his pocket, then handed a blue lollipop to the man standing before him. Darien accepted it without enthusiasm.

“You have less control than you think you have. You should probably work on that before going out on any more ‘super secret’ missions to save the world or whatever it is you do.”

“Yeah,” Darien responded absently. “…Thanks.” He made his way towards the door slowly, still deep in thought.

“Tell your Keeper that I’m aware of your condition, and that I’m willing to help if the need arises. Oh, and if she ever finds a way to get that gland out of your head, tell her to let me know. It’d be fun to see the operation. I’ll even bring popcorn.”

Darien scowled as he walked out. “Bastard.”

House clutched his cane tightly. Almost as an afterthought, he called, “You’re better off invisible! Your sense of fashion sucks!”


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